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soul

So...generally, I am about 125 lbs. I would prefer to be around 120, but I don't mind being 120. A few years ago, I was around 115, which was when I was at my most emaciated (due to various reasons I don't really want to go into, mostly because it's embarrassing and slightly too personal). I realize, for my height, it's still on the normal BMI side of things even if it was extremely close to underweight. But in the last six months, I've gone up to 130 lbs.

I'm not a girl who generally worries about her weight. Or takes special care in diets or minds what they eat. I eat what I want, when I want. But around the time my grandmother passed away, I started to comfort eat, and it's slowly spiraled out of control. I need to preface that with "for me," since I realize for lots of other people, Americans especially, spiraling out of control with food means people gaining a lot of weight very fast, and five pounds is probably nothing to worry about since I'm still firmly in the normal weight category, but for me, it feels like I'm ten pounds from my target weight. Also, I discovered bacon, which in the past, was something I just didn't eat -- too fatty, too salty, kinda gross. But apparently my tastebuds have changed and I've joined the world in the belief that bacon make everything better. Because it can.

The problem is that now that I've gotten into the habit of eating more (snacks in the middle of the night, right before bed, in between meals...) and eating bad stuff like bacon, I can't seem to restrain myself. I just get hungry. And then I want to eat. And how can you not eat when you're hungry because you're hungry! You make plans when you're not hungry to not reach for the crackers or chips, but then you become hungry and all those plans fly out of the window. I can see why people fail at diets. :\

My pants have gotten too tight. If that's not a warning sign, I don't know what is. I feel kinda shallow for even worrying about the whole thing because I should be happy with my weight. I'm not obese. I'm not even overweight. I'm sure there are tons of girls out there who wish they had my body size. People still call me tiny but that's only because I'm Asian and when you compare me to an average American, yeah, okay, I'm smaller than them. But I'm larger than what seems like is the typical Asian girl so it still feels like I weight too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I haven't just been brainwashed by the media to believe weigh too much. But I counter that with the knowledge that I know my own body and I know what I weight I should be. Is this just a symptom of getting older? Do we just get fatter and bigger? I haven't had children so I feel like there shouldn't be major changes in my weight. My metabolism is slowing down, majorly, that I cannot deny. How do people deal with that? Do they just change their eating habits? Do they eat less? Don't change and gain weight? Is that what normally happens? If so, I'm not sure I like that...

Right now I just figure the only thing I can do is eat healthier snacks. If I'm going to eat, and who am I kidding, I'm going to eat, I might as well be eating fruit rather than junk food... *shrugs* I figure that at least, will manage things for now. I'm not sure it'll make a dent in my weight; I suspect I'll have to go back to my old eating habits for that to happen... That'll be my next project. That and probably the dreaded "E" word... *shudders*

Comments

Weight is a delicate balance. I think you should stick with your goal weight. 5 lbs is a lot of weight, and 10 lbs is twice that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a weight that makes you feel good about yourself (underweight is a problem, but not if you know you're in your weight range). And trying to keep your weight steady, so that you can wear the same clothes, is probably the best judge (unless they're clothes from when you were underweight).

I love bacon, and so do lots of other people with normal weights. I wouldn't worry about the bacon (unless you're really eating it in mass excess), but snacking on junk food is bad. If you have snacks in your house... well.. for me, I just don't. I don't buy chips or cookies or anything. Because I have no self control. Just buy nuts and fruits and mini carrots and things that you can snack on that are healthy (Trader Joes has great nuts and dried fruits, though fresh fruit is better, but dried fruit is better than junk food). Sugar is a bigger problem than anything else. If your snack has sugar cane in it (or high fructose corn syrup, or sugar alcohols), that's a sign you shouldn't eat it.

I honestly think there's a problem with the curvy women campaign. People are using, "the media pushes underweight models" as an excuse to be unhealthily overweight. It doesn't sound like you're any where near the unhealthy stage, but it's so hard to come down once you go up, better to keep your goals at the low end of things.

If you really need something sweet, buy bitter dark chocolate (like 80%). It tends to be not-so-good and one piece will end your cravings. XD; Not that I can say I'm great about following this, but I can make a candy bar (the dark chocolate, $5 ones) last for a long time (like a few weeks).
I know! That's why it suddenly became unsettling to know that I've gained 5 lbs in the last couple of months... >< I think most people wish they weighed less but really, I don't think I've ever been unrealistic about it.

I never really was underweight though I probably flirted kinda close to it at one point. It didn't last long though so it's probably for the best...

LOL, at the height of my new found bacon obsession, I was putting it in things that probably shouldn't have bacon like waffles and chocolate chip cookies. Bacon and chocolate pair surprisingly well together and bacon and syrup? Even better. But yeah, it got out of control for a while because it was like "BACON! WHY WERE YOU NEVER THIS YUMMY BEFORE?!!" because I've never really liked it before and to have it suddenly be tasty was a real revelation...

I actually really like dark chocolate but I've never been a chocolate bar eater... I can't stand milk chocolate, or at least American milk chocolate so I tend to lean more towards to the dark chocolate. But usually, it needs to be paired with something. I really hate one note foods...
Oh god yes bacon and chocolate ♥ I don't think I've done bacon and syrup but that sounds amazing too. Something about meaty and salty...

Yes, I like nuts with dark chocolate... but so easy to over eat. XD; Dark chocolate tends to not be so good by itself but that's what stops you from eating too much of it.
If you make your own waffles, crumpling up cooked bacon into the batter and smothering the waffles in syrup is so delicious... I definitely recommend it. Or, you could just eat bacon and waffles together. I imagine chicken and waffles is probably the same sort of concept.

I only really eat chocolate during that time of the month because otherwise, I don't particularly like it. But sometimes I just CRAVE it and that's when I indulge. Otherwise, chocolate or really any candy isn't my food of choice... Sweet things in general are not what I reach for when I'm hungry -- I go for the chips, crackers, hot dogs, pizza, etc...
Oh man, that sounds amazing.

Chicken and waffles from the places I've been to in South LA is literally... they give you a waffle. And they give you (a separate plate with) fried chicken.

There's Bruxies ♥ though ~ this place has a very unique waffle that's thin and tougher and you eat it with stuff like a sandwich and it's amazing. It's a little Orange County chain. I can't remember if they have bacon waffles, I've only tried part of their menu...

Ah, my friend is like that, she loves fried food and chips. I'm the opposite, I'm all about the sweets. It's not even that I like the taste of sweets that much, most candy and cookies taste like crap. I just get this overwhelming emotionally good feeling when it comes to sweets. Sort of like the moment before I eat them. XD; I am an addict.
I've never had chicken and waffles before, never even seen it so I really wouldn't know. But I can't imagine eating waffles without some sort of topping/sauce because otherwise, it would be pretty dry, wouldn't it?

I just like to be always eating something. When I'm not, I feel like I should be but I can't exactly eat all the time. I can't even eat that much at a time, but even when I'm feel full, I just wish I could be munching on something savory... If there are chips around, I can pretty much guarantee there wouldn't be any in an hour... If it's not around, I don't go out of my way to get some but if there are, it's pretty much over.
Oh! They give you PLENTY of syrup. Like... a pool full. I think depending on the place they give you a pool full of dressing for the fried chicken too. ^^;;; .... I'm assuming South LA food is authentic soul food. I've only had chicken and waffles at like two places though. Hm... I feel like I don't get out much... *lives in South LA*